Amanda's Random Thoughts

I lost my baby last night. It's still impossible to believe. She was barely eight years old, but she had developed a really aggressive form of cancer. I feel like I've had a part of myself wrenched out. It was so sudden and so horrible. One week she seemed a little listless, and the next she had to be rushed to the ER.
I don't know how I'm going to live without her. She was such a big part of my life. She created so much happiness just by being there and loving us. We've had so many awful things happen this past year, but this is the worst. There's just no way to recover from something so wrong. I always thought we'd have twice this many years together. I thought we'd go walking in the fields again once they were harvested and play in the snow this winter.
She was the smartest, most kind and loving dog in the world and nothing will ever fill the void she left. The house feels so cold and empty without her, and everything I see reminds me of her. Even the yard hurts to look at; I see all the places she used to play and the tree we used to sit under when the weather was nice.
We buried her this morning in what used to be our kitchen garden with her favorite toy and the first afghan I made when I learned to crochet. It's going to be Shadow's garden now. When I feel up to it I'm going to plant a lot of the lavender and other things I've grown from cuttings there, and fill it with sweet smelling herbs and flowers. It's the only thing I think I can do for her now, and I want to have a peaceful place to remember her.
She was such a special dog, and all I have of her now is a lock of hair the vet cut off for me and a few photos. I'm keeping the hair with me and when I find the right materials I'm going to make an amulet bag for it, so I can carry a bit of her wherever I go.
My mom and I are heartsick, and we miss her terribly. I'm just glad she was a happy dog and that I'm sure she knew she was loved. I'll always love and treasure her, but I don't think I'll ever stop missing her.

Well, this summer has gone just about how I was afraid it would...I started off really well. I was getting a lot done and keeping this journal and my garden journal (paper) updated, but then the hot weather and the drought hit and I started to fall behind.
Our vegetable garden was a complete flop this year. Fortunately, we hadn't been too ambitious, but still... The drought killed our beans, the bugs ate our squash and the tomatoes came down with some kind of rust. Most of my ornamentals failed too: my marigolds damped off, only two of my cypress vines got big enough to blossom, and my moonflowers came shooting out of the ground and then just stopped. I don't think I'll have a single blossom on them before frost hits. The soil must be lacking something they need.
Thank goodness for Flying Saucer morning glories. They've bloomed their hearts out; I really love those flowers. They're like snowflakes; each one is completely unique and they are the most beautiful shade of blue. The combination of intense blue and white looks like watercolors. It's so summery, and it reminds me of Aria! It's wonderful to be able to go out every morning and see all the different shadings. I think next year I might give up on all other flowering vines and plant all my trellises with them.
The only success I've had is my herbs. I've managed to start quite a few from seed, and I'm mastering the art of growing from cuttings. I've had a few failures, especially from the first batch, but now that I have the hang of it I've started about 50 plants that way! I have more than a dozen each of lavender, rosemary, sage, and thyme that I've grown from cuttings. It's addictive somehow. I started a new batch last week even though I know they're barely going to have time to harden off before cold weather hits.
I'm planning to start a new herb garden this fall. I've been slobbering over seed catalogs already...I don't know; maybe I shouldn't make plans I might not be able to carry out. But unless things get a lot worse over the winter I should be able to at least order a few seeds in the spring. My garden helps keep me from going crazy, so I figure the bigger the better.

Just a short post to celebrate the fact that my calendulas and cypress vine have sprouted in only a few days! I also mustered up the energy to plant the giant herb bowl. I was overestimating how much it would hold somewhat, so it only has five herbs in it: lemon balm, marjoram, chamomile, and lemon and purple basil. It doesn't look like much yet, but in a couple of weeks I think it'll be really nice. Depending on how it's doing, I might try to squeeze in a lemon thyme once it's rooted.

Well, this week I've finally planted a few things just for looks. I started 5 pots of red and white cypress vine. Four are hanging baskets, and the fifth has a pretty wire trellis I dug out of the honeysuckle. It's not the sturdiest thing in the world, but it should stand up to them. I also planted 2 pots of calendula and 2 pots of white marigold that sprouted after only 2 days. I'm completely in love with white marigolds. They're beautiful, surprisingly easy to grow, and seem to thrive in our hot summers. I'll probably plant some in the ground as well, to fill in some of the empty spots.
My other big job for the week was drastically pruning the extremely aggressive pink rose that tries to take over my garden every year. I'm not sure it's the right time of year, but honestly you can't kill that thing. I've tried. At least I got out of it with only minor scratches this time around.
My seedlings are coming along nicely...I have garlic chives, oregano, marjoram, chamomile, and lemon basil that are doing really well, along with the ubiquitous thyme and fennel that reseed themselves every year. Speaking of reseeding, I have an incredible crop of volunteer forget-me-nots coming up, even with all the seed I collected from them! If even half of these babies make it I'll be knee deep in them. The chervil still isn't sprouting, but I'll keep my fingers crossed. It might even be possible to replant it in late summer since it can take a little cold.
My cuttings seem to be flourishing; the first batch is nearly ready to repot. As soon as they're situated, I'm going to turn around and start more! The idea of trying to start new plants that way used to really intimidate me, but now I've become addicted to it. I'm also glad I've been starting all my plants from seed. It's slow and takes a lot of patience I didn't really have at one time, but it's incredibly satisfying.
If there's one thing I regret (other than lack of funds)it's that I didn't get an earlier start. I just wasn't in any shape to deal with it earlier. But the garden has been one of the only things that's kept my nerves from going completely haywire. And at least I've learned a lot from trying to work around the tiny budget. I've found a lot of ways to reuse things that would otherwise be trash; and I've started to look at new ways to use things that have been around a while. That doesn't really feel like much of a silver lining right now, but it's something.

I just got my second batch of cuttings planted! This time I tried some more lavender and rosemary, and a little sage and lemon thyme. The first bunch is doing nicely except for 2 laurels that got sunburned. I'm still hoping they'll pull through, and I've read that laurel is tricky, so if I can get even one to root on the first try I'll consider it a success. I think I'll probably do a third batch of lavender too. (I've been looking at too many pictures of lavender farms where they have acres and acres of it and slobbering...)
I've also planted 2 patches of chervil, and potted a cutting of aloe from a friend. It makes me so happy because I've been wanting one so badly. We almost always had one around until a couple of years ago, and it just felt like my herb garden was really missing something without one! Now if I can only get it to thrive...
My marjoram and garlic chives are sprouting pretty well now. I think I'm going to have to give up on the forget-me-nots and dame's rocket I planted earlier this spring. I guess the seeds just didn't last the winter. My flax hasn't sprouted much either; I'm not sure if it's the old seed or if they got too waterlogged. At any rate, it's back to the start for those. At least I have a fresh crop of seeds this year that I can start a little later in the summer.
Fortunately I've almost finished scrubbing pots. We keep coming across caches of them in odd corners of the shed. The other day we came across a huge bowl shaped one we'd forgotten we had, so I've decided to fill it with herbs. It's probably going to have lemon balm in the middle, and marjoram, chives, chamomile, chervil, lemon basil, and whatever else I feel like throwing in around the edges. I have some dill to plant, too.
I'm also planning a long herb box with whatever doesn't go into the bowl. I'm toying with the idea of planting a Scarborough Fair box. I have sage and rosemary rooting, my mom has parsley planted, and we have huge amounts of thyme in the yard. (It's weird that I didn't like that song until I heard Celtic Woman performing it...the old 70s version irritated me for some reason.) I'm not sure if it would work anyway, since the rosemary and sage probably won't get that big this summer.

Today was another garden day. The weather was absolutely perfect, and I got so much done.
I seem to have my own little herb nursery going. I guess it's because I've spent so much time reading herb books and looking at recipes that I've become infected with this "gotta catch 'em all" spirit. If even half of them come up I'm going to have more plants than I know what to do with. I'll definitely be sharing some with friends, and hopefully drying a lot for the winter.
It's a lot of work keeping them sheltered and watered, but I really enjoy watching them sprout and grow. (And working in the garden also helps keep me from worrying about other things.) Between making my own pots out of paper towel rolls and egg cartons and mixing my own potting soil, I don't have to feel very guilty about it. I've spent maybe $5 in seeds so far, and a little more for some tomato plants.
Here's my inventory so far:
I have about 24 seedlings of lemon balm that I've just repotted, and five mint divisions that are thriving.
Sprouting: evening primrose, moonflower, morning glories, candytuft, chamomile, oregano
Planted: lemon basil, flax, garlic chives, marjoram, forget-me-not
waiting to plant: chervil
I also have a batch of cuttings that just turned a week old and seem to be doing well so far: persian lilac, mountain laurel, rosemary, and two kinds of lavender. I'm going to give them another week or so to see how they do, and then start another batch. If all goes well, I figure they should be established by the time the weather gets really hot and my energy starts to fade.
The herbs should fill space, but my garden is going to be a little short on color this year. I just don't have the money to sink into annuals. Any more seeds I buy are going to be for perennials or herbs. I'm reading up on collecting and saving seeds too, so maybe I can join a seed exchange next year. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for maybe being able to afford some kind of do-it-yourself cold frame this fall or next spring.

I've had a fairly productive week. I've gotten over half of my garden chores done, and my work is almost finished (and not due till Tuesday!) In the last couple of days I've planted five bamboo-and-twine trellises with moonflowers and morning glories, planted a big tray of flax and a few pots of forget me nots, primroses, and dame's rocket, and divided some mints. My mom and I have also been gradually cleaning the shed...we have enough pots between us to start a greenhouse!
The foxgloves and forget me nots i started last summer have been absolutely beautiful this spring! I've never had foxgloves get that tall before. I hope I'll be able to start another batch this year. My hollyhocks seem kind of stunted, though. I wonder if I didn't give them enough compost when I planted them...
My biggest job left is the batch of cuttings I've been meaning to start all spring. I have everything ready for them, but I want to pick a good day when it's not too hot to do the actual cutting.

I got about half of my backed-up garden chores done today. I mixed up a batch of improvised potting soil, scrubbed 50 or 60 plastic pots, cut about 20 bottles down to make greenhouses, and made my first batch of paper towel roll peat pots. By the time I'd gotten all this done, I didn't have the energy to actually plant anything...just as well considering how cold it's going to be tonight. Just when my ginger is starting to show signs of life, too!
Oh well. Cool, overcast weather is supposed to be the best for starting cuttings anyway. I want to start as much lavender and rosemary as I can without hurting the established plants.
I've been reading so much about herb use lately that I want to try to have a lot available for drying and experimenting. I really want to try soapmaking someday, but it'll have to wait till I can afford another hobby. (Meaning not in the foreseeable future.)

Well, I had the urge to start updating my journal again. Not that my life has become more interesting or anything, but I guess it makes me feel a little less isolated.
Since work has been dead this week, I've been spending my time figuring ways to fill out my garden without spending any money. Fortunately I had good luck starting perennials from seed last year, so there's a lot less space to fill than there was. The plan is to use up any seeds leftover from last year, divide anything I can, and see what might be transplanted from other areas. Depending on how things go maybe I can pick up a couple of packages of seeds later.
I read a suggestion somewhere for making your own potting soil by lightening compost with a little sand, so I tried it out with what we had on hand. I was essentially winging it, so I'll have to wait and see how that experiment turns out.
I also started my first try at growing ginger today. I've planted five root segments; it would be so wonderful if they will sprout and grow! I'd like to be able to make ginger syrup and candied ginger this fall.
I just hope we have enough rain to keep things alive this summer. Watching things grow makes me feel a little better, but I don't think I could stand it if the whole yard starts to wither again.

I've spent most of the last few days cleaning. I'm just in the mood to get rid of things...I'm such an awful packrat! I've lost count of how much stuff I've thrown out or given away, and I still feel like I haven't decluttered enough. I can't resist used book sales or craft sales, and I apparently once had absolutely no resistance to anime-related crap. At the current rate, I think it'll take me at least another week to finish! I try to console myself with the thought that it probably wouldn't look that bad if it wasn't all crammed into one smallish room.
When I get sick of cleaning I wallow in Glass Mask or Daughter of 20 Faces. There have been seven episodes of the former released in less than two weeks! The anime is pretty good, but it has a tendency to blunt the emotional impact of the manga. This sucks in my favorite parts, but is kinda merciful during the angsty chapters. The last batch of releases was mostly from the Story Arc from Hell, but I sailed through it fairly easily.
I'm really dying to see more of Daughter of Twenty Faces, though. I love Chiko so much (my new kitten is named after her...probably setting a bad precedent) and I really don't know quite where it's going. I really wish someone would start scanlating the manga, because there's a sequel that apparently started serializing only recently. There just isn't enough love for this series out there!

Whew...i just got finished with all the garden chores I've been putting off until a cool day. After neglecting it for two years, it feels good to take care of it again. It looks pretty good if I do say so myself. Now that all the major stuff is out of the way, all it takes is a little maintenance every morning. (Although I do plan to start a bunch of perennials soon to plant in the fall.) And being a Glass Mask fangirl, it gladdens my geeky heart to have a purple rose in my garden. (OK, it's really a mauve, but it's technically classified as purple.) Normally I wouldn't recommend buying a plant on clearance at walmart, but this bush seemed healthy and it's really branched out since it's been planted.
My room's been taken over by a terrifying monster known as the new kitten. Her name is Chiko, and she's unimaginably cute! I still would love to painfully slaughter the moron who abandoned her, but at least she's happy and safe now.
In other news, I'm now the proud owner of all the available volumes of Dazzle! I went ahead and blew the last gift certificate I've been hoarding, and even managed to get the hard-to-find fifth volume from Amazon. It's gonna be a LOOONG wait for volume 9, though!
Thoughts on volumes 5-9: (SPOILERS GALORE!)
Alzeid's having a bad month. He's now been framed for murder, stabbed, poisoned, lost one friend, and found out that another has been lying to him on a pretty big scale. To top it all off, every single member of Heat's family seems determined to treat him like dirt because of a grudge they have against his father. And it looks from the previews like he's scheduled to get beaten up all over again in the next one. I'm rooting for him though, since he always comes through for Rahzel when she needs him. It really hits you how much she's grown up since the early volumes. She's still crazy, and I love her. I can't wait for September!
I also got volumes 8 and 9 of Nodame Cantabile, in honor of the fact that there's going to be a second season in the fall! That takes me to the end of the first story arc (where the anime left off). With that, and the fact that Glass Mask is scheduled to resume soon, it's been a good manga month.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST IS FOR VENTING PURPOSES ONLY, SINCE IT HAS ABOUT ZERO CHANCE OF REACHING ITS INTENDED TARGET.

To the mindless, inbred, scum-sucking troglodyte who left an unweaned kitten on our front porch during the night:
If by some wild freak of chance I ever find out who you are, I will personally render you unconscious with a blunt object, sell all your organs on the black market, and leave the remains hanging in a tree for the buzzards. Or possibly pull you over carpet tacks, tow you a few miles behind a boat in the most polluted body of water I have convenient access to, then tie you up and leave you in a swamp as mosquito bait.
It's bad enough being an irresponsible idiot who can't take care of another living thing, but then to compound it by dumping it on someone else that way is so cowardly and contemptible as to render you subhuman. This little one isn't old enough to be away from its mother, let alone be dumped in a strange place in the middle of the night. It obviously likes and trusts humans...despite having been abandoned by whoever taught it to be so friendly.
Well, I'm going to have to see what I can do to find this baby a safe home, since there's no way we can keep her.
Just remember, I haven't forgotten you, nameless abomination, and I can hold a grudge for longer than your stunted redneck brain can possibly begin to comprehend.

I am completely wiped out. I made the mistake this morning of zoning out while walking Shadow and the next thing I knew we were lost in the woods! The strange thing about this is that I've been playing in those woods all my life and never gotten lost, even when I was trying. I guess it's just been too long.
I think we spent some time going around in circles, but eventually we hit the road on the other side of the block and were able to follow the ditch bank back to familiar ground. (I was getting ready to take off my coat and turn it inside out, which is the traditional remedy for being lead astray by the pixies.) We managed to get home with nothing worse than a few briar scratches, fortunately.
Well, that's my adventure for the week. The next time I take Shadow in the woods, she's not setting a toenail off the path. I was beginning to think I should be building a lean-to and let the pony loose to hunt small animals.

I got really good results doing my photography outdoors today! It still needs some fine tuning, but I feel like I'm getting there. Hopefully the weather will be decent again tomorrow so I can work on it. I'm really relieved because it seems like my last try was a dismal failure. (I took the crappy lamp back to Michaels and consoled myself by using the refund to buy two volumes of Nodame Cantabile!)
Here's some of my better results: (More in my gallery if you want to see.)












And because they're too kawaii for words:

Whew...I just made 168 beaded stitch markers in 2.5 days. Last Sunday someone at my knitting group saw the ones I had made for myself and said she could probably sell them at the knitting convention she's going to. The only problem was the convention is this weekend and she needed them by Thursday.
Well, I put my nose to the grindstone and cranked them out. The annoying thing is that i could probably have done more if I had been better organized and stocked. Stitch markers call for some supplies I don't normally use, so I wasted a bunch of time digging them out and I was low on some things. I think if I had been better prepared I could have done 200 easily. Oh well. There's no telling whether they'll sell well or not, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I'll be happy with anything, and I can take whatever's leftover to the conference next week. I still need to turn out a batch of earrings for that, too.
My other projects right now are a pair of slipper socks for Amy's mom (currently halfway done) and the shawl for my mom (don't even ask...it's supposed to be a Christmas present but may end up being Mother's Day).
I can't wait for Saturday! Any chance to get out of town is cool, and the Renaissance Festival is the best. Road trip!

I'm on the tea and cough drop diet. I've been through two boxes of tissues in less than a week, and it shows no signs of being over. It's not the worst cold I've ever had, but it has an annoying habit of getting better for a little while and making me think it's going away when it reality it's just settling into another part of my system. Between the cold and lack of contact with intelligent life (my mom was staying at her sister's for a while) I've been pretty cranky this week.
Fortunately, I've had Amy's anime care package to distract me. I really enjoyed Karin; it was a cute and entertaining and hilarious at times. And I got to wallow in my scary Glass Mask fixation, which was a mixed blessing.
I'd always heard that the original anime series from 1984 sucked, but it gives a whole new meaning to the term low budget. The art was crappy, the animation rotten, and I've seen (and mocked) English dubs that did a better job than this cast. (Particularly in the case of the hero, who did such a horrible job that I cringed every time he opened his mouth.) Plus they hacked out huge important scenes in the very first episode, leaving two major characters with no apparent motivation for their actions. I really couldn't understand how such a popular manga could have been turned into such a lousy anime, but I remember reading somewhere that at that time a lot of anime producers weren't willing to invest much in shojo series. I can only conclude that someone thought since it was popular it was worth doing, but not doing well.
However, the recent version more than makes up for it. The part I've seen at least, is awesome! They did a great job of updating the story without changing anything vital. It's also kind of a relief from the cheesy 70's style of the manga. (Dearly as I love it, it's undeniably cheesy.) There are a few scenes and lines I think should have been included, but nothing's perfect. On the whole it preserves most of the things I loved about the manga. I can only lament that only about a third of the series is subbed so far.
I'm working on the shawl I've been wanting to do for my mom. It's the same one I gave up on a few months ago, but I sat down and wrestled with the directions until I had something resembling what I needed. I'd still like to have a little chat with the designer in regard to the misleading, inadequate, and inaccurate directions for starting it, thought. Oh well, I've gotten over the worst part and it's actually going pretty well now.

I decided to finally update my journal in honor of my only significant accomplishment this month: finishing the entrelac shawl that's been in my UFO pile for the last 2 to 3 years. I've frogged it and restarted it at least twice, and there were points when I was really closed to sewing it up the sides, felting it, and calling it a bag, but it's done! I had doubts about the color scheme too, but I'm actually really happy with the finished product. It's going to be nice to wrap up in this winter!
I've been pretty much in a slump with everything else. I've just gotten discouraged and have a hard time getting motivated. I'm trying to get out of it; I know I'll feel better if I'm being even moderately productive... Well, I have a project planned for my mom's birthday. That ought to push me to do something besides knit and read manga.

I've been feeling too lazy to update lately...there just isn't much new to report. Here's what's been going on on various fronts, though:
Beadwork: so-so I've been having a hard time focusing lately. It's partly the heat and partly the fact that I've been having headaches a lot the past couple of weeks. Then I end up taking Excedrin, which kills the headaches but leaves me with indigestion and insomnia. And then, to add insult to injury a wasp stung me right on the index finger! Eh. But I'm getting close to my goal, and if I can only improve my photography I'll be in business. I have managed (inspired partly by the Chinese-style art in SaiMono) to turn out some pretty good knotwork. I tried to challenge myself and did a couple of hangings that I'm really proud of.
Knitting: The Putting Down Roots sweater is still in pieces awaiting blocking. I've been looking at the heavy-duty foamboard in Michaels, which isn't too high and looks like it ought to do the trick, so maybe my blocking board isn't too far away. I'm now putting the finishing touches on the green cabled socks, which I'll be REALLY happy to have done. I love the intricate alpine cables, but in dark sock yarn they become a massive pain in the neck. (I think the result is worth it, though.)
Anime: I've been watching Saiunkoku Monogatari almost nonstop. I'm so in love with this series. I just like all the characters so much, and I think it's a cool kind of "relaxed" fantasy so far. It's neat the way that keeping the kingdom running is the main focus instead of fighting monsters, and all the other stuff you run into in most fantasy series. I'm actually enjoying the politics and the scheming and plotting.
I did get my second El Hazard volume right on the release date! Thank you, Amazon! I've been so looking forward to seeing the whole thing again. I still get teary eyed at the ending...it's kinda weird getting so emotional over an action/comedy series, but it's so beautiful. It's been such a long time, too!

Well, I spent the day working on my digital photography. I like to think there's some improvement, although not as much as I was hoping for. I guess I just have to be patient and keep trying until I get it right.


Not the greatest photo in the world, but I love this necklace. It took me forever, but it was worth it.


The girly pink tassel necklace!




First pics of my chainmail efforts (mostly practice scraps):





I might put up some more tomorrow when I'm not so tired.

I'd love to come up with something witty to say about this, but really the title says it all:
http://youknitwhattwo.blogspot.com/2007/07/wtf.html